ABC made television history this week by doing the unthinkable: firing both Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg from The View on the same day.
Network executives announced the move in a blunt statement Monday evening after the duo made what the press release called “disgusting, mean-spirited, and vaguely chicken-like” comments about the late conservative activist Charlie Kirk.
The firings mark the most significant shake-up in daytime television since Barbara Walters assembled the original View cast and told them to start bickering immediately.
On Friday’s episode, the women of The View were discussing Charlie Kirk’s star-studded memorial service when Behar cracked: “Looks less like a funeral and more like a Turning Point USA fundraiser with free Chick-fil-A nuggets.”
Whoopi then jumped in with: “If Donald Trump speaks at your funeral, you’re not being remembered—you’re being rebranded.”
While the studio audience chuckled, ABC executives reportedly began choking on their kale salads. By the time the segment went viral, conservative social media had erupted in full meltdown mode.
Fox News even ran a 72-hour live ticker counting down the minutes since Behar and Goldberg’s “verbal assault on patriotism.”
By Monday, ABC had heard enough. In a fiery statement, the network declared: “Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg have crossed a line. While we encourage spirited discussion, we will not tolerate the desecration of patriotic martyrs. Effective immediately, their contracts are terminated. The henhouse has been cleared.”
The statement also promised viewers that replacements would “better reflect the values of real Americans, not Manhattan elites with loud laughs.”
The firings were immediately celebrated across conservative media. Ben Shapiro said on his podcast: “This is a major victory for free speech—ironically by silencing two people.”
Tucker Carlson, appearing in front of his taxidermy collection, smirked: “It’s about time ABC realized that cackling hens don’t make good patriots.”
“Whoopi and Joy—Fired like dogs!!! People LOVE Charlie Kirk, people HATE them. ABC finally doing something right. Tremendous!”
Meanwhile, Hollywood and liberal Twitter were in hysterics.
Alyssa Milano tweeted: “Firing Joy and Whoopi for telling jokes is like firing me for making bad movies—it’s just unfair!” Rob Reiner declared: “First they cancel All in the Family reruns, now they cancel The View. This is fascism in a coffee cup.”
Hashtags like #SaveTheView, #BringBackWhoopi, and #HenRightsNow began trending, though they were quickly drowned out by #GoodbyeJoy and #NoMoreWhoopi.
ABC wasted no time in announcing the show’s replacement. Starting next Monday, the 11 a.m. slot will be taken over by The Charlie Kirk Show: Daytime Patriot Edition, co-hosted by Erika Kirk and Megyn Kelly.
According to a leaked press kit, the program will feature “serious conversations about freedom, faith, and firearms,” as well as lighter segments like “Baking with Betsy Ross” and “CrossFit With Ted Cruz.”
One producer described it as “Ellen meets C-SPAN, but with more bald eagles.”
In an odd but predictable twist, Starbucks announced a new limited-edition drink to commemorate ABC’s decision: the “Fired Hen Latte.” The drink features “extra bitter espresso” and comes in a cup adorned with a crossed-out cartoon of Joy and Whoopi. Early sales have reportedly been strong in Arizona, Florida, and Texas.
Both women are reportedly weighing their next steps.
Joy Behar has hinted at a podcast tentatively titled “Still Talking, Even if Nobody’s Listening.” Sources say she is also in talks with Bravo for a reality show where she “just yells at real housewives for fun.”
Whoopi Goldberg, meanwhile, is rumored to be eyeing a return to acting. Insiders whisper that she is pushing Disney for a gritty reboot of Sister Act, rebranded as Sister Act: Canceled But Not Forgotten.
Media analysts say ABC’s move could actually pay off. While The View consistently pulled strong ratings among suburban moms, its critics far outnumbered its fans. “For every person who watched The View because they loved it, there were three who watched clips online just to hate it,” one analyst explained. “Now ABC is betting that replacing Behar and Whoopi with patriotic programming will bring in the Chick-fil-A demographic.”
And judging by early interest in The Charlie Kirk Show, they might not be wrong.
Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg’s firing signals a cultural shift as dramatic as anything daytime television has seen in decades. To supporters of Charlie Kirk, it’s poetic justice. To liberals, it’s censorship with commercial breaks. To ABC, it’s ratings gold wrapped in red, white, and blue.
One thing is certain: daytime TV will never be the same. And as for Joy and Whoopi? Well, for now, they’re free at 11 a.m.—but America’s henhouse has never been quieter.
NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.
